Today we are not discussing world politics, it is time to take on an even greater evil--the bastard at Subway that walks in with fifteen orders!
I stopped by one of the eight thousand Subways in the Oklahoma City metro area today to purchase a refreshing, no taste, is as yummy as paper, Subway $5 sandwich. It is Sunday. There is no business crowd. I dedicated five minutes to this adventure. But no!
As I was walking into the store, I decided to be nice and polite and hold the door for some lady that might possibly be Susan Boyle's long lost sister. Yes, she had the face of Medusa and the body of a rhino, but chivalry is blind--right? I followed the shuffling beast to the front of the line to order my usual turkey sub. But hold on, the lady I just opened the door for pulled out an order list that would have made Santa stand in awe!
Now remember there are only two patrons in this "restaurant"--me and Mrs. Evil! She knows she's ordering enough sandwiches to feed Oliver's orphanage, but did she offer to let me jump ahead of her in line. No! I bet you are asking, "Why didn't you leave and find lunch someplace else?" I tell you why--a pure shot of rage is worth more than that crappy $5 sub! I couldn't, out of shock, anger, and dogged determination, walk away from this moment.
At approximately 12:32 p.m., old ugly started a run on the Subway rations. Oh but it gets better--she wanted each sandwich to be charged separately. By now I am glaring at this Oompa Loompa and praying that she would spontaneously combust or maybe remember she left her purse in the car. But not today! I moved to the side of the counter hoping that I could find a hidden employee on the phone, but no good. There was only one poor soul working the counter.
I looked at the sandwich goddess with pleading eyes thinking that she might intervene and suggest that I order first, but nope. This woman acted like she was working on commission! She was so excited you would think that Subway was about to give her a new trailer home. So what could I do besides retreat? Nothing, this was a fast food stalemate. I just stood there for fifteen minutes and twenty-two seconds before the sandwiches were wrapped and loaded at the register. (That time does not include individual cash purchases and the fumbling of change.)
Somehow I made it through this event without jumping behind the counter and throwing knives at Mrs. Poster Child For Abstinence. But my Zen like patience paid off and I walked out of Subway at close to one o'clock.
Why am I telling you this story? The truth is I have nothing else to write about, but I also present this as proof that good deeds do go unnoticed. In fact if I had it to do all over again, I would have parked so close to that witch that she would have had to get out of her car through the passenger door. Oh she could have banged on my Honda all she wanted with her door, but it wouldn't matter, my car should be taken to a field and shot anyhow.
I learned a valuable lesson. From now on Subway is not to be considered a family friendly neutral place to eat. Oh no! Subway is mortal combat! If you want to get in and out of there quickly you have to do some recon before entering. If you see somebody wearing stretch shorts, you run for that door even if you have to stiff arm them because chances are they are either ordering for a small army or they were the low person on the totem poll and were sent to order for a company that employs at least 50 hungry people.
This isn't my first rodeo with the line Grinch. Nope not at all. Another Suspect that must be watched carefully are persons dressed in scrubs. Yes, just last Thursday I stopped into one of the Subways downtown for lunch. But a man in scrubs from St. Anthony's hospital was in line with a blackberry full of orders. What prevented my newly reconstructed heart from exploding right there on the spot was the expert reaction of a business district Subway worker. She bumped me in front of Mr. Piss Pot and I was out of there in short order.
I know that some of you have experienced these vile human glitches in Mr. Darwin's theory, whether at a Subway or at your local grocery store. But I say enough is enough. If the rest of the people suffering through this injustice didn't act like they were in an old Soviet food line, we could stop this abuse. How? Well very simple. There are fliers all over Subways offering to fill orders via facsimile or email. Ah ha! It is time we employ some old fashion democratic values and toss these vermin out the door with a flier stapled to their forehead. Then we could all order and eat our paper sandwich in peace.
Well it has been nice, but I'm late for anger management class.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Week In Review!
North Korea is back at it again--they have test fired their 6th missile. It appears that the problem in North Korea is even graver than I first imagined. President Kim only has the capacity to watch the Cartoon Network and I am certain a massive Sate funeral is soon to follow. The problem is there is no line of succession within the cult. If the military seizes control, then the stakes in the region will go up. Hopefully, some person with only mild insanity will be appointed heir to the starving worker's paradise and stop this nonsense. But we do not even have a representative of North Korea to negotiate with, so we'll just have to wait and see. (We should have let Mac take the country).
In popular news, "American Idol" winner, Adam Lambert is not sure whether he wants to become the front man for the band Queen. Brian May, the guitarist of Queen, stated that he would like to work with him. "Uh, Adam...Queen is second only to the Beetles in UK record sales. Beware of the gift horse!"
President Obama has announced that we must have health care reform within a year or never. Good luck with that. Is Hillary going to lead the way? Don't go on television with your new national health care card like Bill did before the deal is sealed. I suspect we will not see health care reform during his first term.
Laodicean was the golden ticket for one home grown 13 year old Kansas girl, by the name of Kavya Shivashanker, to take home the trophy from the National Spelling Bee. I predict she will complete medical school by the age of 19. With a name like Shivashanker, Laodicean was....well child's play.
Susan Boyle said the "F" word. She must have finally taken the blanket off of her mirror. We agree one hundred percent Susan. Keep singing show tunes, but please do not do a children's tour.
France failed to invite the Queen to the 65th anniversary of the D-Day Landings. When Britons rose up in anger France said, "oh she is welcome." She apparently stood on her balcony facing Paris and gave them the finger.
A Catholic priest had sex with a grown adult female. I know, shocking that it was not a young boy, but when confronted by the church, he said "see ya. I'm an Episcopal now." Apparently the Vatican ordered an investigation when his fitness reports stated that "he was in a most upbeat mood of lately." Also, when he replaced Gregorian Chant with Air Supply's "Every Woman in the World," people became suspicious.
In the world of crime, men handing out fitness pamphlets for a local fitness club told a mother that she was too fat and ate too many donuts. The Ft. Worth police were dispatched by the distraught mother's husband. Based upon interviews of the other women in the neighborhood, scene on http://www.cnn.com/, I am surprised that a SWAT team was not dispatched to avoid a public lynch mob. I suspect that Fitness 2000, the club in question, will soon see a reduction in its membership. Fools!
Lastly, George Bush gave a major speech in southwestern Michigan. I won't recap the entire speech, but only his closing. When asked what he hoped would be his legacy, Bush responded, "Well, I hope it is this: The man showed up with a set of principles, and he was unwilling to compromise his soul for the sake of popularity." Well Bushy, it looks like future events will increase your popularity--that is if they keep heading down the road countries like Iran and North Korea want us to travel. Enjoy your new freedom and take care of the dogs.
In popular news, "American Idol" winner, Adam Lambert is not sure whether he wants to become the front man for the band Queen. Brian May, the guitarist of Queen, stated that he would like to work with him. "Uh, Adam...Queen is second only to the Beetles in UK record sales. Beware of the gift horse!"
President Obama has announced that we must have health care reform within a year or never. Good luck with that. Is Hillary going to lead the way? Don't go on television with your new national health care card like Bill did before the deal is sealed. I suspect we will not see health care reform during his first term.
Laodicean was the golden ticket for one home grown 13 year old Kansas girl, by the name of Kavya Shivashanker, to take home the trophy from the National Spelling Bee. I predict she will complete medical school by the age of 19. With a name like Shivashanker, Laodicean was....well child's play.
Susan Boyle said the "F" word. She must have finally taken the blanket off of her mirror. We agree one hundred percent Susan. Keep singing show tunes, but please do not do a children's tour.
France failed to invite the Queen to the 65th anniversary of the D-Day Landings. When Britons rose up in anger France said, "oh she is welcome." She apparently stood on her balcony facing Paris and gave them the finger.
A Catholic priest had sex with a grown adult female. I know, shocking that it was not a young boy, but when confronted by the church, he said "see ya. I'm an Episcopal now." Apparently the Vatican ordered an investigation when his fitness reports stated that "he was in a most upbeat mood of lately." Also, when he replaced Gregorian Chant with Air Supply's "Every Woman in the World," people became suspicious.
In the world of crime, men handing out fitness pamphlets for a local fitness club told a mother that she was too fat and ate too many donuts. The Ft. Worth police were dispatched by the distraught mother's husband. Based upon interviews of the other women in the neighborhood, scene on http://www.cnn.com/, I am surprised that a SWAT team was not dispatched to avoid a public lynch mob. I suspect that Fitness 2000, the club in question, will soon see a reduction in its membership. Fools!
Lastly, George Bush gave a major speech in southwestern Michigan. I won't recap the entire speech, but only his closing. When asked what he hoped would be his legacy, Bush responded, "Well, I hope it is this: The man showed up with a set of principles, and he was unwilling to compromise his soul for the sake of popularity." Well Bushy, it looks like future events will increase your popularity--that is if they keep heading down the road countries like Iran and North Korea want us to travel. Enjoy your new freedom and take care of the dogs.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
North Korea--Oh Boy!
What a difference a day can make. Yesterday, I reported that the North Korean detonation of nuclear weapons last weekend was minor news. But today old Kim Jong-Il and his lunatic cabinet have come close to unwrapping Pandora's box.
In just forty-eight hours, North Korea has announced that the Armistice signalling the end of hostilities in the First Korean War is null and void. Then North Korea stated that they could no longer insure the safety of U.S. and South Korean warships near North Korea's western borders. North Korea stated that the U.S. and South Korean protests at the United Nations constituted an act of war and are in fact at war with the United States.
Now before we all start digging shelters in the back yard and start singing "duck and cover" songs to our children, we need to remember that we are still at war with North Korea. We signed an armistice not a peace treaty. So, their posturing must be taken with a grain of salt.
North Korea poses a major problem to the stability in that region. China has already told them to back down. China loves being a world power and does not want to be at war with the United States. The economic results would cripple their economy. Also, the Chinese navy does not stand a chance against the United States Navy. For all of you out there saying, "we can't win in Iraq, so how can we take on Korea?" I want you to remember that the United States Military is a master of conventional warfare. Where we fall short is in unconventional wars.
If we put our fleet into combat in that region, we will suffer losses, but any enemy navy will feel the chill of the cold depths of the Ocean. But we do not want this war. North Korea is one giant military. The people are brainwashed and cutoff from the rest of the world. North Korean leadership has no concern for sacrificing their population in a war. When a nuclear power has no fear of annihilation, then the result will be annihilation. The only way we can stop North Korea from taking the South, if they launch a full military invasion, is through the use of nuclear weapons.
North Korea is playing a deadly game. This may just be a test to see how strongly the Obama administration will react to their behavior. North Korea tried this under President Bush and in the end shutdown their nuclear reactors. Bush is out of office and along with that is President Bush's common sense policy--you attack us and we will destroy you! Most hate the Bush doctrine, but in this world of lunacy it protected us.
If this is not posturing and is the start of some sort of military option, we need to watch the Iranian border. It is presumed that North Korea has assisted Iran in its missile procurement program. North Korea would not stand tall and declare war if they did not have a trump card. That trump card may be an ally in a nuclear armed Iran.
We may face, for the first time since the Cuban missile crisis, the potential of United States ground troops being exposed to a nuclear theatre of war. I believe that this entire show is exactly that--it is a test of our current leaders. But if it is not then I suspect that we are in serious trouble.
I suspect that somewhere in the Pentagon, Generals are dusting off old war plans for North Korea and our submarines are running weapons launch drills as we speak. Obama and the world leaders must be prepared to place a boot on Kim's throat in order to solve this problem. I could go on and on about how Japan will step into this mess and China might possibly use the distraction to take Taiwan, but I'll wait and see what happens on the diplomacy front. Until then I'll be busy digging a shelter in the backyard.
In just forty-eight hours, North Korea has announced that the Armistice signalling the end of hostilities in the First Korean War is null and void. Then North Korea stated that they could no longer insure the safety of U.S. and South Korean warships near North Korea's western borders. North Korea stated that the U.S. and South Korean protests at the United Nations constituted an act of war and are in fact at war with the United States.
Now before we all start digging shelters in the back yard and start singing "duck and cover" songs to our children, we need to remember that we are still at war with North Korea. We signed an armistice not a peace treaty. So, their posturing must be taken with a grain of salt.
North Korea poses a major problem to the stability in that region. China has already told them to back down. China loves being a world power and does not want to be at war with the United States. The economic results would cripple their economy. Also, the Chinese navy does not stand a chance against the United States Navy. For all of you out there saying, "we can't win in Iraq, so how can we take on Korea?" I want you to remember that the United States Military is a master of conventional warfare. Where we fall short is in unconventional wars.
If we put our fleet into combat in that region, we will suffer losses, but any enemy navy will feel the chill of the cold depths of the Ocean. But we do not want this war. North Korea is one giant military. The people are brainwashed and cutoff from the rest of the world. North Korean leadership has no concern for sacrificing their population in a war. When a nuclear power has no fear of annihilation, then the result will be annihilation. The only way we can stop North Korea from taking the South, if they launch a full military invasion, is through the use of nuclear weapons.
North Korea is playing a deadly game. This may just be a test to see how strongly the Obama administration will react to their behavior. North Korea tried this under President Bush and in the end shutdown their nuclear reactors. Bush is out of office and along with that is President Bush's common sense policy--you attack us and we will destroy you! Most hate the Bush doctrine, but in this world of lunacy it protected us.
If this is not posturing and is the start of some sort of military option, we need to watch the Iranian border. It is presumed that North Korea has assisted Iran in its missile procurement program. North Korea would not stand tall and declare war if they did not have a trump card. That trump card may be an ally in a nuclear armed Iran.
We may face, for the first time since the Cuban missile crisis, the potential of United States ground troops being exposed to a nuclear theatre of war. I believe that this entire show is exactly that--it is a test of our current leaders. But if it is not then I suspect that we are in serious trouble.
I suspect that somewhere in the Pentagon, Generals are dusting off old war plans for North Korea and our submarines are running weapons launch drills as we speak. Obama and the world leaders must be prepared to place a boot on Kim's throat in order to solve this problem. I could go on and on about how Japan will step into this mess and China might possibly use the distraction to take Taiwan, but I'll wait and see what happens on the diplomacy front. Until then I'll be busy digging a shelter in the backyard.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Another Day of Blah!
Memorial Day has come and gone, but our cycle of insignificant news continues. Let's review some headlines.
North Korea tested nuclear weapons this weekend. I suspect we will send a strongly worded letter saying, "if you don't stop we'll....well do nothing I guess." What can we do? We are not having a second go at the North Koreans, so they'll just keep on making bombs while their people starve and develop bizarre diseases from malnutrition.
We have a new Supreme Court nominee. Yeah! I suspect somewhere there is a machine that makes Federal Judges. You throw in some ingredients and voila! You have a judge that grew up without a parent, somehow was accepted to Princeton and Yale, and is now headed to the top of the Judicial food chain. Seriously, are there any Judges at the highest levels that were not impoverished savants?
If we must see Susan Boyle's face every single day in the media, I hereby demand that Oprah form an intervention!!! That woman didn't just fall off the ugly tree; she landed and took a beating from Bigfoot! Please somebody, give her a makeover or a hood to wear. Good Lord I heard she visited the ZSL London Zoo and all of the male animals went sterile! I suspect there is a surgeon somewhere ready to accept a Nobel Prize for that fixer upper!
Well, I've run out of things to say, so I am off to go interview the Queen's security detail to explain how they let an employee sell tours of their most secure areas. If I make it back without being locked in the Tower of London, I'll fill you in.
North Korea tested nuclear weapons this weekend. I suspect we will send a strongly worded letter saying, "if you don't stop we'll....well do nothing I guess." What can we do? We are not having a second go at the North Koreans, so they'll just keep on making bombs while their people starve and develop bizarre diseases from malnutrition.
We have a new Supreme Court nominee. Yeah! I suspect somewhere there is a machine that makes Federal Judges. You throw in some ingredients and voila! You have a judge that grew up without a parent, somehow was accepted to Princeton and Yale, and is now headed to the top of the Judicial food chain. Seriously, are there any Judges at the highest levels that were not impoverished savants?
If we must see Susan Boyle's face every single day in the media, I hereby demand that Oprah form an intervention!!! That woman didn't just fall off the ugly tree; she landed and took a beating from Bigfoot! Please somebody, give her a makeover or a hood to wear. Good Lord I heard she visited the ZSL London Zoo and all of the male animals went sterile! I suspect there is a surgeon somewhere ready to accept a Nobel Prize for that fixer upper!
Well, I've run out of things to say, so I am off to go interview the Queen's security detail to explain how they let an employee sell tours of their most secure areas. If I make it back without being locked in the Tower of London, I'll fill you in.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Zachary Boyd Loves New York!
The 1st battalion of the 26th infantry is encamped in the famous Korengal valley. Why is it famous? Well, back in the 1980s, the Soviet Union attempted a surge right into this nasty little patch of earth. The Soviets progressed deeply into the valley before they were attacked and eventually bled out of existence.
Now you know that Korengal is no place for the weak. It is a symbolic area for the Taliban and Al Qaeda and has vast natural defenses. On May 11, 2009, Camp Restrepo, nestled in the Korengal valley came under attack. Specialist Zachary Boyd, threw on his body armor, grabbed his helmet and made modern military history.
No, he didn't go and kill Osama--we all wish. He didn't take on a thousand men with only a knife. What he did do was wind up on the Internet dressed in flip flops, pink boxers that say "I love New York," and a red shirt underneath his body armor.
He wasn't making a statement. Zachary was asleep at the time of the attack and in Afghanistan you don't wait around to see if you are needed--you go straight to the fight! Remember this land is a super power widow maker!
The good news is, Specialist Boyd will not lose his job and received praise from Secretary of Defense Gates for his courage. We should praise him! There are some out there claiming that his actions are an embarrassment to the army. Well Korengal is a diseased and insect infected land from hell. The terrain shreds our nice little uniforms and there are reports of men wearing dog collars to keep away bugs.
Zachary Boyd, I hope you get some rest and hot chow this Memorial Day! I suspect as this story continues to grow you will know how much America respects you! Oh, and the South Park boxers I mailed you should be there in about a month. Good luck man and keep your head down! (For a look at the photograph, please go to http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104493189.)
Now you know that Korengal is no place for the weak. It is a symbolic area for the Taliban and Al Qaeda and has vast natural defenses. On May 11, 2009, Camp Restrepo, nestled in the Korengal valley came under attack. Specialist Zachary Boyd, threw on his body armor, grabbed his helmet and made modern military history.
No, he didn't go and kill Osama--we all wish. He didn't take on a thousand men with only a knife. What he did do was wind up on the Internet dressed in flip flops, pink boxers that say "I love New York," and a red shirt underneath his body armor.
He wasn't making a statement. Zachary was asleep at the time of the attack and in Afghanistan you don't wait around to see if you are needed--you go straight to the fight! Remember this land is a super power widow maker!
The good news is, Specialist Boyd will not lose his job and received praise from Secretary of Defense Gates for his courage. We should praise him! There are some out there claiming that his actions are an embarrassment to the army. Well Korengal is a diseased and insect infected land from hell. The terrain shreds our nice little uniforms and there are reports of men wearing dog collars to keep away bugs.
Zachary Boyd, I hope you get some rest and hot chow this Memorial Day! I suspect as this story continues to grow you will know how much America respects you! Oh, and the South Park boxers I mailed you should be there in about a month. Good luck man and keep your head down! (For a look at the photograph, please go to http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104493189.)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
KBR--You are Suspect!!!
I want everybody to take themselves away from their nice air conditioned home or office and imagine, if possible, that you are sitting in your barracks in Iraq. The date is January 2, 2008.
You are sitting back after a long day training Iraqi forces to protect their country. You are not an average soldier deployed to Iraq. You are a weapons expert in the 5th Special Forces group of the United States Army. It took you almost two years of your life to earn the coveted green beret and to become a master of all NATO and foreign weapons. Your job is to make sure that all of the weapons on your team function perfectly and the weapons of the Iraqis have bullets and are capable of firing. On top of that you are a master of counter insurgency warfare and can speak multiple languages. You are just as comfortable in battle as you are instructing a town on the proper way to build a water well or sewage drain.
Up to this point in your career, your time in SF has been exemplary. You have a plan and a fall back plan. First, you want to try out for the elite counter terrorist group known as the Special Forces Operational Detachment--Delta, aka Delta Force. The Unit selection process is one of the most grueling in the world and lasts for another year or more of your life. The Unit's training process is so secret that the government does not even acknowledge that it exists. But it is well known that it is based upon the famed British Special Air Services' selection process. If that fails you plan on applying to the Army Warrant Officer flight program to become a helicopter pilot.
You are currently fighting a war, but that does not stop your ambition. You are one of America's finest soldiers and hope to become a member of the best of the best. Your commanders revere your abilities and award you for your service. Only one year into your time as a Green Beret, you feel content, but anxious for a new challenge.
Back at your barracks you are given the chance to take a shower and get rid of the Iraqi sand that seems to penetrate every inch of your body. When you eat, you feel the grit of sand in your mouth. Your eyes, ears, nose, and any other imaginable place are caked with sand. You are ready to go scrub yourself in the base shower, even if the water is polluted and you are likely to catch some god forsaken disease from the water. You don't care. If you only had a muddy puddle of water to scrub in you would do it.
You grab your bathroom kit and head off for a few minutes of comfort. You hop into the shower and immediately feel something grab you. That is the last memory you will ever have. Your friends find you dead on the shower floor suffering from cardiac arrest. All that you have been through and it is not a bullet that takes your life, it isn't a road side bomb, it isn't a mortar that fell on your bed. It is the electrical wiring in the bathroom that was improperly installed!
Your name is Staff Sgt. Ryan D. Maseth and you have died of a heart attack at the age of twenty four because the contractor in charge of wiring your bathroom did not meet proper industry standards. Your parents at home will learn of your death and be shocked. Your brother serving in the 82nd Airborne will learn that you have fallen, not from the enemy, but from taking a shower. Special Forces lost one of their best and America lost a cherished son who ran head first into the most dangerous of professions in the world. There will be no Delta Force. There will be no flight school. All of your dreams lost because of poor wiring in a room where water is going to hit the floor.
The Army investigates and determines that your death is the result of negligent homicide. But today the President and CEO of KBR defends the work that they perform in Iraq. The reason why? Iraq is a difficult place to work. Why is he speaking now? The army hired an electrician to inspect their buildings in Iraq. His findings--90% or 70,000 buildings are not up to code. What does KBR say? Well we were expected to meet British codes not American codes.
All of his excuses do not matter. We lost one of our finest soldiers due to incompetent wiring. Sgt. Maseth was willing to give 100% in the worlds worst conditions. I guess it is too much to ask that those making millions of dollars off of military contracts to give a little extra effort for our men and women fighting a nasty war. Maseth was one of three electrocuted because of this work and there are many more wounded because of the wiring.
Well KBR, you let our service men and women down, their families, and the United States people who depend upon our soldiers for our safety and freedom. Your excuse that the environment was "extraordinary" and that you did your best simply does not cut it! Your excuse is suspect!
This weekend remember Staff Sgt. Ryan Maseth and all of those who have fallen in that mess we call Iraq.
You are sitting back after a long day training Iraqi forces to protect their country. You are not an average soldier deployed to Iraq. You are a weapons expert in the 5th Special Forces group of the United States Army. It took you almost two years of your life to earn the coveted green beret and to become a master of all NATO and foreign weapons. Your job is to make sure that all of the weapons on your team function perfectly and the weapons of the Iraqis have bullets and are capable of firing. On top of that you are a master of counter insurgency warfare and can speak multiple languages. You are just as comfortable in battle as you are instructing a town on the proper way to build a water well or sewage drain.
Up to this point in your career, your time in SF has been exemplary. You have a plan and a fall back plan. First, you want to try out for the elite counter terrorist group known as the Special Forces Operational Detachment--Delta, aka Delta Force. The Unit selection process is one of the most grueling in the world and lasts for another year or more of your life. The Unit's training process is so secret that the government does not even acknowledge that it exists. But it is well known that it is based upon the famed British Special Air Services' selection process. If that fails you plan on applying to the Army Warrant Officer flight program to become a helicopter pilot.
You are currently fighting a war, but that does not stop your ambition. You are one of America's finest soldiers and hope to become a member of the best of the best. Your commanders revere your abilities and award you for your service. Only one year into your time as a Green Beret, you feel content, but anxious for a new challenge.
Back at your barracks you are given the chance to take a shower and get rid of the Iraqi sand that seems to penetrate every inch of your body. When you eat, you feel the grit of sand in your mouth. Your eyes, ears, nose, and any other imaginable place are caked with sand. You are ready to go scrub yourself in the base shower, even if the water is polluted and you are likely to catch some god forsaken disease from the water. You don't care. If you only had a muddy puddle of water to scrub in you would do it.
You grab your bathroom kit and head off for a few minutes of comfort. You hop into the shower and immediately feel something grab you. That is the last memory you will ever have. Your friends find you dead on the shower floor suffering from cardiac arrest. All that you have been through and it is not a bullet that takes your life, it isn't a road side bomb, it isn't a mortar that fell on your bed. It is the electrical wiring in the bathroom that was improperly installed!
Your name is Staff Sgt. Ryan D. Maseth and you have died of a heart attack at the age of twenty four because the contractor in charge of wiring your bathroom did not meet proper industry standards. Your parents at home will learn of your death and be shocked. Your brother serving in the 82nd Airborne will learn that you have fallen, not from the enemy, but from taking a shower. Special Forces lost one of their best and America lost a cherished son who ran head first into the most dangerous of professions in the world. There will be no Delta Force. There will be no flight school. All of your dreams lost because of poor wiring in a room where water is going to hit the floor.
The Army investigates and determines that your death is the result of negligent homicide. But today the President and CEO of KBR defends the work that they perform in Iraq. The reason why? Iraq is a difficult place to work. Why is he speaking now? The army hired an electrician to inspect their buildings in Iraq. His findings--90% or 70,000 buildings are not up to code. What does KBR say? Well we were expected to meet British codes not American codes.
All of his excuses do not matter. We lost one of our finest soldiers due to incompetent wiring. Sgt. Maseth was willing to give 100% in the worlds worst conditions. I guess it is too much to ask that those making millions of dollars off of military contracts to give a little extra effort for our men and women fighting a nasty war. Maseth was one of three electrocuted because of this work and there are many more wounded because of the wiring.
Well KBR, you let our service men and women down, their families, and the United States people who depend upon our soldiers for our safety and freedom. Your excuse that the environment was "extraordinary" and that you did your best simply does not cut it! Your excuse is suspect!
This weekend remember Staff Sgt. Ryan Maseth and all of those who have fallen in that mess we call Iraq.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Iran! What would Georgie Patton say?
After learning that Iran successfully tested the Sajjil-2 surface-to-surface missile today, I placed a call to the psychic hot line. I asked Madame Tarot to place an urgent call to George Patton for me. All of this at a cost of .99 cents per minute. It was well worth the cost.
A few minutes later, a high pitched angry voice came booming through my speaker phone. "Who in the hell called me while I was water boarding Hitler?"
"Well sir, I did, but it is for a good reason," I replied.
"Well get on with it, I'm not through with that turd. He has a few more centuries to go!"
"General, the country of Iran, under the control of a mad man by the name of Ahmadinejad, has successfully tested a surface-to-surface missile. He also has a nuclear energy program that he claims is for the peaceful use of energy production only. But we know he is no friend of the West as he has sent Special Forces into Iraq to deliver weapons systems to kill U.S. soldiers. I am somewhat concerned about this recent development and want to know what you would do sir?"
"Christ, uh no sir I wasn't talking to you Jesus, I was merely blaspheming out loud at the weakness of my people. Sorry for the disruption, the rules are kind of strict up here and I have, well been reprimanded about 2,652 times. The last time I told them to just give me a sword and send me to hell to slay the Devil, but they won't let me.
"Sorry I got off on a tangent. Listen up and listen well! You people have your heads planted firmly up your arses! Iran is a cancer as evil as any that you have faced. It is time to take all of those fancy "stealth weapons" and bomb that place until carpets are the only viable means of transportation. Are you listening to me?"
"Yes sir."
"Good. I'd come down there and kick his ass myself, but I am busy using enhanced interrogation tactics on Hitler, and I am trying my best to wage war on the Devil. I don't have time for your pantywaisted requests anymore. Get it through your head--you do not build a weapons system and a nuclear energy program at the same time to enhance world peace. You do it to achieve world domination! But who listens to me anyway? I tried to tell you the Russians wouldn't give Eastern Europe back, but nooo, I'm just a madman who tells lies about uncle Joe. Well I was right wasn't I! And I am right again! Go grab his big nose and kick him in the ass and see how he likes it. Now tell that Tarot lady that I am not to be disturbed for at least another decade. Patton out!"
Well as you can see, the General showed genuine concern over the growing threat of Iran. I think we should take his advice, but I guess that would not further our policy of making friends these days. I do not understand what happened to America. We used to take crazed national leaders with real or possible nuclear capabilities seriously. But now we just say the obvious on the news and do nothing about it. Ah..If only "Old Blood and Guts" was still alive.
I suspect that seismographs in France are going crazy as the General rolls in his grave.
A few minutes later, a high pitched angry voice came booming through my speaker phone. "Who in the hell called me while I was water boarding Hitler?"
"Well sir, I did, but it is for a good reason," I replied.
"Well get on with it, I'm not through with that turd. He has a few more centuries to go!"
"General, the country of Iran, under the control of a mad man by the name of Ahmadinejad, has successfully tested a surface-to-surface missile. He also has a nuclear energy program that he claims is for the peaceful use of energy production only. But we know he is no friend of the West as he has sent Special Forces into Iraq to deliver weapons systems to kill U.S. soldiers. I am somewhat concerned about this recent development and want to know what you would do sir?"
"Christ, uh no sir I wasn't talking to you Jesus, I was merely blaspheming out loud at the weakness of my people. Sorry for the disruption, the rules are kind of strict up here and I have, well been reprimanded about 2,652 times. The last time I told them to just give me a sword and send me to hell to slay the Devil, but they won't let me.
"Sorry I got off on a tangent. Listen up and listen well! You people have your heads planted firmly up your arses! Iran is a cancer as evil as any that you have faced. It is time to take all of those fancy "stealth weapons" and bomb that place until carpets are the only viable means of transportation. Are you listening to me?"
"Yes sir."
"Good. I'd come down there and kick his ass myself, but I am busy using enhanced interrogation tactics on Hitler, and I am trying my best to wage war on the Devil. I don't have time for your pantywaisted requests anymore. Get it through your head--you do not build a weapons system and a nuclear energy program at the same time to enhance world peace. You do it to achieve world domination! But who listens to me anyway? I tried to tell you the Russians wouldn't give Eastern Europe back, but nooo, I'm just a madman who tells lies about uncle Joe. Well I was right wasn't I! And I am right again! Go grab his big nose and kick him in the ass and see how he likes it. Now tell that Tarot lady that I am not to be disturbed for at least another decade. Patton out!"
Well as you can see, the General showed genuine concern over the growing threat of Iran. I think we should take his advice, but I guess that would not further our policy of making friends these days. I do not understand what happened to America. We used to take crazed national leaders with real or possible nuclear capabilities seriously. But now we just say the obvious on the news and do nothing about it. Ah..If only "Old Blood and Guts" was still alive.
I suspect that seismographs in France are going crazy as the General rolls in his grave.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I suspect that warmer weather is affecting the news.
After a thorough search of this morning's headlines, I am convinced that the world is taking a short break from idiocy to enjoy our last moments of Spring before the heat wave of summer makes us all irritable.
Let's see--in the news this week we have looked deep into the heart of Notre Dame to see if the great modern orator could change the Catholic school's position on abortion. I suspect not. He should have spent his time having them pass a donation plate to buy out Charlie Weis' contract.
News from the White House, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu paid a visit. President Obama asked Mr. Netanyahu to begin peace negotiations with Palestine and Iran. Mr. Netanyahu merely stated that any country coming to the table must acknowledge Israel as a State. He did not mention that they must change their half century stance as a precondition to negotiations, but I suspect that is what he was implying. I suspect that there will be "momentous" peace talks in Europe or at the White House and in the end all parties will give each other the finger, go home and fire up their war machines. Netanyahu is a man of action and will not sit through another round of talks where Israel gives in to 99% of the Palestinian demands only to be snubbed in the end.
With summer just over the horizon, what are my predictions? I believe the war in Afghanistan will turn extremely violent this summer. The allied coalition will begin pounding Taliban main supply routes while Pakistan lays waste to its border region. This summer will be the defining moment in this theatre of war. If we do not succeed before next year's winter or come very close to succeeding, we will stalemate and the war will drag on.
In Iraq, the status quo will prevail. The people will nervously sit by and count the days until our withdrawal while the insurgency will quietly blend in with the populace. There will be a few bombings and attacks on coalition troops, but with an imminent withdrawal in place, they will wait for their moment to seize the state once we leave. I suspect a calm before a terrible storm in Iraq.
On the home front, I suspect that the economy will slowly start to grab some momentum. The credit card crash has yet to arrive, but it is on its way. However, banks should start relaxing their grips on their money and offering crucial business loans to help jump start the economy. The banking system will finally stabilize and we will see an upturn in jobs over the next 6 to 12 months. However, the housing situation will not change. We have just about hit bottom, so that means the over inflated housing and mortgage industry is about to reach equilibrium. It was a house of cards that many in the industry predicted would collapse. Although, the rate of foreclosures will decrease, housing costs will still be bottom dollar and this time around, home ownership will remain low for the foreseeable future. I suspect times will remain tough for most Americans for at least another two years or until a new technological break through in the automobile industry or the computer industry brings about a major worldwide economic upturn. Just think in less than a decade, the keyboard I am using will be obsolete. The whole world will be using touch screen technology. That means thousands of new computers to be sold. The question is, will we lead the change or will it come from Asia? I suspect both, since we cannot manufacture goods cheaply in the United States.
On the entertainment side of things, I believe there will be a whole host of adopted children entering Hollywood. High priced baby snatching is all the rage amongst the Hollywood elite. I suspect that it is too much to ask them to adopt a needy American child. Also, we will continue to see a decline in the movie industry as more people stay at home and rent movies through their cable or satellite provider. I hope that the theater industry remains strong, but like music stores I suspect their days are numbered.
Well that rounds up my daily list of garbled thoughts. There simply is nothing to talk about, but I'll keep my eye out there and I suspect something of real interest will come along.
Let's see--in the news this week we have looked deep into the heart of Notre Dame to see if the great modern orator could change the Catholic school's position on abortion. I suspect not. He should have spent his time having them pass a donation plate to buy out Charlie Weis' contract.
News from the White House, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu paid a visit. President Obama asked Mr. Netanyahu to begin peace negotiations with Palestine and Iran. Mr. Netanyahu merely stated that any country coming to the table must acknowledge Israel as a State. He did not mention that they must change their half century stance as a precondition to negotiations, but I suspect that is what he was implying. I suspect that there will be "momentous" peace talks in Europe or at the White House and in the end all parties will give each other the finger, go home and fire up their war machines. Netanyahu is a man of action and will not sit through another round of talks where Israel gives in to 99% of the Palestinian demands only to be snubbed in the end.
With summer just over the horizon, what are my predictions? I believe the war in Afghanistan will turn extremely violent this summer. The allied coalition will begin pounding Taliban main supply routes while Pakistan lays waste to its border region. This summer will be the defining moment in this theatre of war. If we do not succeed before next year's winter or come very close to succeeding, we will stalemate and the war will drag on.
In Iraq, the status quo will prevail. The people will nervously sit by and count the days until our withdrawal while the insurgency will quietly blend in with the populace. There will be a few bombings and attacks on coalition troops, but with an imminent withdrawal in place, they will wait for their moment to seize the state once we leave. I suspect a calm before a terrible storm in Iraq.
On the home front, I suspect that the economy will slowly start to grab some momentum. The credit card crash has yet to arrive, but it is on its way. However, banks should start relaxing their grips on their money and offering crucial business loans to help jump start the economy. The banking system will finally stabilize and we will see an upturn in jobs over the next 6 to 12 months. However, the housing situation will not change. We have just about hit bottom, so that means the over inflated housing and mortgage industry is about to reach equilibrium. It was a house of cards that many in the industry predicted would collapse. Although, the rate of foreclosures will decrease, housing costs will still be bottom dollar and this time around, home ownership will remain low for the foreseeable future. I suspect times will remain tough for most Americans for at least another two years or until a new technological break through in the automobile industry or the computer industry brings about a major worldwide economic upturn. Just think in less than a decade, the keyboard I am using will be obsolete. The whole world will be using touch screen technology. That means thousands of new computers to be sold. The question is, will we lead the change or will it come from Asia? I suspect both, since we cannot manufacture goods cheaply in the United States.
On the entertainment side of things, I believe there will be a whole host of adopted children entering Hollywood. High priced baby snatching is all the rage amongst the Hollywood elite. I suspect that it is too much to ask them to adopt a needy American child. Also, we will continue to see a decline in the movie industry as more people stay at home and rent movies through their cable or satellite provider. I hope that the theater industry remains strong, but like music stores I suspect their days are numbered.
Well that rounds up my daily list of garbled thoughts. There simply is nothing to talk about, but I'll keep my eye out there and I suspect something of real interest will come along.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Welcome!
This page is called Suspect for one reason--Everything we see, read, and are taught is suspect. To uncover the truth, you must seek out and learn what is real and what is sound bite fodder. Whether you are at work or home, this is a safe place where you can share your thoughts about politics, the war, sports, movie stars, etc. This is a friendly environment, sort of, so you perverts take your crap somewhere else! Also, nothing is sacred here--sarcasm, rants, lunacy, and general hyperbole are all allowed. So, sit back, take a read, and enjoy.
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