Iran! What would Georgie Patton say?

After learning that Iran successfully tested the Sajjil-2 surface-to-surface missile today, I placed a call to the psychic hot line. I asked Madame Tarot to place an urgent call to George Patton for me. All of this at a cost of .99 cents per minute. It was well worth the cost.

A few minutes later, a high pitched angry voice came booming through my speaker phone. "Who in the hell called me while I was water boarding Hitler?"

"Well sir, I did, but it is for a good reason," I replied.

"Well get on with it, I'm not through with that turd. He has a few more centuries to go!"

"General, the country of Iran, under the control of a mad man by the name of Ahmadinejad, has successfully tested a surface-to-surface missile. He also has a nuclear energy program that he claims is for the peaceful use of energy production only. But we know he is no friend of the West as he has sent Special Forces into Iraq to deliver weapons systems to kill U.S. soldiers. I am somewhat concerned about this recent development and want to know what you would do sir?"

"Christ, uh no sir I wasn't talking to you Jesus, I was merely blaspheming out loud at the weakness of my people. Sorry for the disruption, the rules are kind of strict up here and I have, well been reprimanded about 2,652 times. The last time I told them to just give me a sword and send me to hell to slay the Devil, but they won't let me.

"Sorry I got off on a tangent. Listen up and listen well! You people have your heads planted firmly up your arses! Iran is a cancer as evil as any that you have faced. It is time to take all of those fancy "stealth weapons" and bomb that place until carpets are the only viable means of transportation. Are you listening to me?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. I'd come down there and kick his ass myself, but I am busy using enhanced interrogation tactics on Hitler, and I am trying my best to wage war on the Devil. I don't have time for your pantywaisted requests anymore. Get it through your head--you do not build a weapons system and a nuclear energy program at the same time to enhance world peace. You do it to achieve world domination! But who listens to me anyway? I tried to tell you the Russians wouldn't give Eastern Europe back, but nooo, I'm just a madman who tells lies about uncle Joe. Well I was right wasn't I! And I am right again! Go grab his big nose and kick him in the ass and see how he likes it. Now tell that Tarot lady that I am not to be disturbed for at least another decade. Patton out!"

Well as you can see, the General showed genuine concern over the growing threat of Iran. I think we should take his advice, but I guess that would not further our policy of making friends these days. I do not understand what happened to America. We used to take crazed national leaders with real or possible nuclear capabilities seriously. But now we just say the obvious on the news and do nothing about it. Ah..If only "Old Blood and Guts" was still alive.

I suspect that seismographs in France are going crazy as the General rolls in his grave.