Jung Un is a Yungin!

Sorry for the delay between posts, I just returned from interviewing Kim Jong-Un the heir apparent to the starved and beleaguered people of North Korea. I was not allowed to use any recording devices or the use of a pencil or paper for my interview. The following is an account of my visit with the new people's leader.

Kim Jong-un was born January 8, 1984 to Kim Jong-Il's second mistress. He had a normal childhood by dictator standards. He killed his first domesticated animal when he was two with a sickle that he stole from the people's museum. His father rewarded him with his choice of prisoner to execute by firing squad.

By his teen years he had a golf course built on the family estate. He hid land mines all over the course and forced workers to retrieve golf balls. Those that survived were rewarded with a bowl of rice.

On his 21st birthday he celebrated by tossing babies into a pit of fire while dancing to Michael Jackson's Billy Jean.

I asked Jung Un what he planned to do now that his father has retired. He thought long and hard before answering. As it turns out, North Korea bought the sun during the 1960s. He intends to pass a resolution at the United Nations forcing all countries to pay rent for the light and heat he gives them or he will turn it off.

He made wild assertions during our one hour meeting. He claims that the movie Stargate is based upon his life. Jung Un also claims that his father bought Hollywood last October and intends to file piracy suits against all United States citizens that have watched a movie since acquiring the rights. He said that if the United States does not pay him 1 billion dollars, for our willful and deliberate theft of his royalties, he will personally release the secret formulas for Coca Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I asked him whether he intended to invade the South. He said there was no reason to invade the South because he owned that as well. His father gave him the deed to South Korea when he was unanimously elected by the people to rule the Korean peninsula. Apparently North Korea has no shortage of food; he and his father instituted a weight enforcement program to insure that their country is not polluted with diabetes like the United States. He denied that there are health issues within the worker's paradise.

Before I was hog tied and thrown on a fishing boat for Japan, he told me that he will soon unveil an alternate fuel source for the world and intends on purchasing Michigan once GM files for bankruptcy. That ended our brief encounter.

Before I was carried out, I was forced to watch a documentary called The Manchurian Candidate. I suspect that he is crazy, but I am no longer allowed to say that word out loud or I will cluck like a chicken for some reason. Strange it started soon after I watched that dang documentary! Hmm.