The whole country must have a mild hangover from our annual birthday bash. I watched the debacle of a funeral for Michael Jackson and frankly I found myself laughing at times.
First, Al Sharpton--He made Michael Jackson sound like he was one of the greatest pieces of the Civil Rights movement. Please! Al are you well? I noticed that you've lost a ton of weight. Did you feel light headed on stage? Did you rifle through Michael's medicine cabinet before you spoke? What part of this man's life made him a Civil Rights activist? Shoot me an email, I would like to know.
Second, did anybody else see the irony of all of the children on stage? I bet Michael was doing the Moon Walk in his coffin trying to get out. The only thing more bizarre than that would have been an honor guard of chickens at Colonel Sanders' funeral.
In other crazy news, Miley Cyrus took some fairly suggestive photographs for Elle magazine. Are her parents nuts? Well, I know Billy Ray is one genome short of being a fully functional human, but she is only 16. I predict serious cocaine abuse and an affair with Lindsey Lohan in her future. Somebody needs to put the brakes on Miley because she is a train on the wrong tracks. Oh, but rest easy, next year is the last season of Hannah Montana. Miley wanted to end it this year, but did not think the show was ready to exit with a proper social message. Maybe they will make it sort of a reality show. Hannah gets addicted to blow, stops eating, barfs behind stage, her alter ego flunks out of school, her parents squander the wealth, she gets pregnant from a roadie, hops on welfare, and ten years later VH-1 does a special. I think that would be the proper ending to teach the kiddies a lesson.
I was just cruising the gossip columns on MSNBC and read an article about Paris Hilton saying good bye to her British BFF. I don't get Paris Hilton. What is she? She's not a star. She can't act. She is terrible in porn. I'm sorry I was going to make the list longer, but I found myself staring at my computer screen and my mind went blank. I think there should be a show where contestants compete for a chance to waterboard Paris.
Sorry I do not have more to offer. The riots today in Iran were fairly boring. I suspect that we will have some more drama to report after Jackson's family begins the battle of his estate if there is one.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Celebrity Week!
Billy Mays was laid to rest this week. I have to admit that I am very depressed by this development and cannot stop listening to Puff Daddy & The Family's I'll Be Missing You!
Media outlets want us to believe that Billy died from a simple heart attack. I cannot accept that and believe the reports to be suspect! You say, "Who would possibly gain from harming that gentle giant?"
Well I know of one person--Vince Shlomi the ShamWow guy! That headset wearing, hooker beating, and food chopping Sith Lord of television pitch men poisoned Billy with a lethal dose of Oxi Clean! My sources deep inside the advertising industry told me that Vince and Billy had a toxic relationship and Vince vowed to take the reigns of television advertising. I'll follow up when more information is available. For further information on Vince click on the following link-- http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html.
Karl Malden died at age 97. Good run Karl. Karl's greatest roll was that of General of the Army Omar Bradley in the Academy Award winning Patton. Although Bradley was the technical advisor for the film and it is a pure propaganda sham of Bradley's true personality, I still thought Malden was great in that roll. Rest in peace Amigo!
Col./Brigadier General Ed McMahon passed away. Ed served as a United States Marine Corps pilot in the Korean War and retired at the rank of Colonel in the reserves. He was later commissioned a Brigadier General in the California Air National Guard. He was most famous as Johnny Carson's side kick and for announcing "Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!" Well the Marines guarding the gate's to heaven got to snap to attention and announce "Heeeere's Col. Ed McMahon!" Keep them laughing up there good man!
In happier news, members of the Tinker Air Force Base 964th Airborne Air Control Squadron ("AACS") flew an E-3 early warning aircraft in the Transformers sequel. While only one member of the squadron briefly made it on screen the rest of the parent wing, the 552 ACW, at Tinker wrote the dialogue that is used in the background of the combat scenes over Egypt. Kudos to Michael Bay for turning to men and women in blue for authenticity.
Rupert Grint, the red headed actor who plays Potter's best friend Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter film series, is recovering from a mild case of swine flu. Ouch Rupert! Stop hanging out with Prince Harry's hookers and you'll stay swine flu free!
Well, Hollywood has taken quite a hit these past few days. I suspect a few others will soon follow. I'll keep you up to date.
Media outlets want us to believe that Billy died from a simple heart attack. I cannot accept that and believe the reports to be suspect! You say, "Who would possibly gain from harming that gentle giant?"
Well I know of one person--Vince Shlomi the ShamWow guy! That headset wearing, hooker beating, and food chopping Sith Lord of television pitch men poisoned Billy with a lethal dose of Oxi Clean! My sources deep inside the advertising industry told me that Vince and Billy had a toxic relationship and Vince vowed to take the reigns of television advertising. I'll follow up when more information is available. For further information on Vince click on the following link-- http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html.
Karl Malden died at age 97. Good run Karl. Karl's greatest roll was that of General of the Army Omar Bradley in the Academy Award winning Patton. Although Bradley was the technical advisor for the film and it is a pure propaganda sham of Bradley's true personality, I still thought Malden was great in that roll. Rest in peace Amigo!
Col./Brigadier General Ed McMahon passed away. Ed served as a United States Marine Corps pilot in the Korean War and retired at the rank of Colonel in the reserves. He was later commissioned a Brigadier General in the California Air National Guard. He was most famous as Johnny Carson's side kick and for announcing "Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!" Well the Marines guarding the gate's to heaven got to snap to attention and announce "Heeeere's Col. Ed McMahon!" Keep them laughing up there good man!
In happier news, members of the Tinker Air Force Base 964th Airborne Air Control Squadron ("AACS") flew an E-3 early warning aircraft in the Transformers sequel. While only one member of the squadron briefly made it on screen the rest of the parent wing, the 552 ACW, at Tinker wrote the dialogue that is used in the background of the combat scenes over Egypt. Kudos to Michael Bay for turning to men and women in blue for authenticity.
Rupert Grint, the red headed actor who plays Potter's best friend Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter film series, is recovering from a mild case of swine flu. Ouch Rupert! Stop hanging out with Prince Harry's hookers and you'll stay swine flu free!
Well, Hollywood has taken quite a hit these past few days. I suspect a few others will soon follow. I'll keep you up to date.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Micheal Jackson Mania? I just don't get it.
As a child, I remember roller skating to Thriller with the lights dimmed, under a disco ball, with some sort of psychedelic lights flashing on the wall of the rink. I even remember a trip to Colorado Springs where I hung out with another kid, that I later played football against in high school, who wore parachute pants, the red Michael Jackson zipper jacket, and oh yes the glove.
I remember Michael belting out We Are The World with such high pitched power that I donated my green beans to Africa. I remember actually thinking there was nothing strange about Michael Jackson being alone with a female in a car at the beginning of the Thriller video. I also remember thinking the choreographed dance fight in Beat It seemed pretty...stupid actually.
But then things changed. Have we forgotten Micheal rearranging his face. Did anybody see the documentary that led to the child rape charges? Besides the sheer craziness of Michael's behavior he also had a painting of himself in one of Hillary Clinton's dresses!
Oh and along the way, he bleached his face, rearranged his nose, walked under a black umbrella everywhere he went, showed up to court in pajamas, settled numerous civil lawsuits alleging child molestation, fell into debt, slept in a special air chamber, bought the elephant man's bones, had a pet chimp, had Disney build rides at his home, married Elvis' daughter, divorced Elvis' daughter, either did or did not father two children, held one of his children from a balcony, walked around with a white scarf around his face, had some sort of bizarre relationship with Corey Feldman when he was a child actor, moved to the Middle East, was apparently addicted or abusing a drug used to put people under for surgery or to purposefully place a person in a coma, went broke, wore women's clothing, slept with children, was accused of giving alcohol to children, had a pet rat when he was a child, Pepsi set him on fire, he lived in a house called Neverland, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children....And people are acting like the greatest person ever died!
As an attorney, I've represented a few child molesters during my career. They all say the same thing Michael said in the infamous documentary..."I love them and I did not do anything wrong!"
Well, yes Michael, an adult man who preys upon children with cancer, then invites them to his house, feeds them cookies and hot chocolate, then has private sleep overs is doing something very wrong!
Michael Jackson should be remembered for his run in the 80s as the King of Pop. But he should forever be remembered as a pedophile who used his money and influence to commit heinous crimes against youth. He was a disgraceful human being and a mental deviant. That should be his epitaph. Oh and he could sing and shuffle his feet better than Mr. Bojangles. Good riddance.
I remember Michael belting out We Are The World with such high pitched power that I donated my green beans to Africa. I remember actually thinking there was nothing strange about Michael Jackson being alone with a female in a car at the beginning of the Thriller video. I also remember thinking the choreographed dance fight in Beat It seemed pretty...stupid actually.
But then things changed. Have we forgotten Micheal rearranging his face. Did anybody see the documentary that led to the child rape charges? Besides the sheer craziness of Michael's behavior he also had a painting of himself in one of Hillary Clinton's dresses!
Oh and along the way, he bleached his face, rearranged his nose, walked under a black umbrella everywhere he went, showed up to court in pajamas, settled numerous civil lawsuits alleging child molestation, fell into debt, slept in a special air chamber, bought the elephant man's bones, had a pet chimp, had Disney build rides at his home, married Elvis' daughter, divorced Elvis' daughter, either did or did not father two children, held one of his children from a balcony, walked around with a white scarf around his face, had some sort of bizarre relationship with Corey Feldman when he was a child actor, moved to the Middle East, was apparently addicted or abusing a drug used to put people under for surgery or to purposefully place a person in a coma, went broke, wore women's clothing, slept with children, was accused of giving alcohol to children, had a pet rat when he was a child, Pepsi set him on fire, he lived in a house called Neverland, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children, uh slept with children....And people are acting like the greatest person ever died!
As an attorney, I've represented a few child molesters during my career. They all say the same thing Michael said in the infamous documentary..."I love them and I did not do anything wrong!"
Well, yes Michael, an adult man who preys upon children with cancer, then invites them to his house, feeds them cookies and hot chocolate, then has private sleep overs is doing something very wrong!
Michael Jackson should be remembered for his run in the 80s as the King of Pop. But he should forever be remembered as a pedophile who used his money and influence to commit heinous crimes against youth. He was a disgraceful human being and a mental deviant. That should be his epitaph. Oh and he could sing and shuffle his feet better than Mr. Bojangles. Good riddance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)