Back Online!

Sorry I have not written since July. After watching George Clooney stare at goats, I decided to walk to Washington State to stare at Sasquatch. Why you ask? I say why not? But I wanted to see if I could convince the elusive creature, through the use of mind control, to sneak into Pakistan and locate Bin Laden. Although I found the mighty beast, I discovered that Sasquatch is a highly intelligent creature and speaks with a hybrid British accent. They are also vegans and have hired an attorney to sue Jack Links Jerky for depicting them in a false light. They refused my request to locate and eat Bin Laden because they are a bunch of tree hugging leftist apes that only want status as regular citizens and universal health care. Doom on you Sasquatch!

During my journey, I kept a diary of world events. Here are some of my observations over the past seven months:

1. Brad and Angelina have broken up or come close to it approximately 372 times according to my tally.
2. Susan Boyle almost had the best selling album of the year. What is wrong with this world?
3. Keith Richards gave up drinking. (Pray--the rapture is coming!)
4. James Cameron invented blue people and is making millions. I wonder how the smurfs feel?
5. Former Presidential Candidate John Edwards has a love child and a sex tape. I hear there are plans for him and Paris Hilton to star in a film together called "John's Weekend in Paris!"
6. The Entertainment industry is re-recording "We Are The World" to help Haiti. That should solve the problem seeing how the last song cured all of Africa's troubles.
7. Tiger Woods--You slept with a Perkins diner waitress! That is hilarious. "Hey Tiger how did you lose half of your money? I slept with a Perkins diner waitress." That is glorious Tiger!
8. Leno is back. I loved your interview with Oprah. Way to play the victim. You are a hack and your show is lame. NBC what is wrong with you? You once brought us shows like The Cosby Show, Cheers, Night Court, Seinfeld, ER, and Friends. Your cure for your problems was to give us Leno, Local News, and Conan? You should form a joint venture with Chrysler called CRAP.

Well, as you can see, my diary was fairly short. Nothing has really changed in the last seven months. I walked back from Washington dejected that Sasquatch would not help us win the war on terrorism. I didn't have the strength to put pen to paper. But I'm back and rested. I suspect there will be more posts in the future. Stay tuned. I'm off to Perkins for some fine family dining.